A Messy Business
by KCS
Summary: Story told through 221B drabble format, which I created for the ACD!Holmes fandom years ago. Written for LJ's Watson's Woes MiniWriMo. Kid!fic, so if that and fluff aren't your cup of tea feel free to skip this one.
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: A Messy Business  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Sherlock, Lestrade, John, will include Mrs. Hudson, Mycroft, etc.  
><strong>Rating<strong>: G  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 221B each (the drabble format I invented for the ACD Holmes fandom years ago)  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: crack fic, fandom trope (see full prompt at link and below), basic episodic spoilers, basic ACD canon spoilers, speculation  
><strong>Summary<strong>: Drabble series fill for for the **sherlockbbc_fic** meme prompt _John is turned into a toddler/young child. He doesn't remember who he was, but he does know that he trusts and loves Sherlock. He likes Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade and, much to Sherlock's annoyance, he even likes Mycroft... _Also for the **WW prompt for Day 1: **_**Beginnings are always messy**._  
><strong>AN**: I have a weakness for kidfic, as evidenced by my novel-length WIP ST:TOS kidfic, _Insontis_. So sue me. :P I needed a plot bunny for LJ's **watsons_woes** MiniWriMo, and this fit the bill. If you don't like trope!fic, then this isn't the story you're looking for. *Jedi hand wave*

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><p>"Repeat this after me one more time, Sherlock: Fratricide <em>is <em>a crime," Lestrade remonstrated, unfazed by the glare impaling his skull.

"Have you always been this stupid, Lestrade, or is it something you learnt from Anderson?"

"Oi," came an indignant yell from across the laboratory.

"Shut it," the DI sighed. "Sherlock, I'm not joking; even you can't touch a government official and not have some serious repercussions – I don't care _how_ good the reason is." And _God knows the reason's good enough_, he thought resignedly, but knew better than to give the amateur more fuel for the metaphorical fire. "I doubt he meant for the outcome to be so…drastic."

"Drastic is the understatement of the century, Lestrade. This is…"

"Unbelievable?"

"Unacceptable," Sherlock snapped. The utter fury in his tone reverberated through the room, producing a small whimper from the vicinity of his knees.

Lestrade resisted the urge to moan. "The notes from the department's research says the effect's supposed to be temporary, the scientists all agree –"

"I don't _care_ about the _research_, you puerile _imbeciles_!" The thread of control had snapped with appropriate theatrics, and everyone within hearing distance cringed. Bending down, the detective hefted a squirming, protesting bundle of arms and legs up in the air and held it at arms' length. "This is – gentlemen. This. Is. Very. Bad."


	2. Chapter 2

**Title**: A Messy Business - 2 of 30  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Sherlock, Lestrade, John, will include Mrs. Hudson, Mycroft, etc.  
><strong>Rating<strong>: G  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 221B each (the drabble format I invented for the ACD Holmes fandom years ago)  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: crack fic, fandom trope (see full prompt at link and below), basic episodic spoilers, basic ACD canon spoilers, speculation  
><strong>Summary<strong>: Drabble series fill for for the **sherlockbbc_fic** meme prompt _John is turned into a toddler/young child. He doesn't remember who he was, but he does know that he trusts and loves Sherlock. He likes Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade and, much to Sherlock's annoyance, he even likes Mycroft... _  
><strong>AN**: I have a weakness for kidfic, as evidenced by my novel-length WIP ST:TOS kidfic, _Insontis_. So sue me. :P I needed a plot bunny for MiniWriMo, and this fit the bill. If you don't like trope!fic, then this isn't the story you're looking for. *Jedi hand wave*

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><p>"Sherlock!" Lestrade hissed, as large tears began to form in wide blue eyes.<p>

Sherlock stared at him blankly over unruly dark-blond hair. "What?"

"Look, I know you're not good with kids, but –"

"Not good with them?" The detective gaped. "Not _good_ with them? Lestrade, I _hate _children!"

"Huge surprise there, Freak," Donovan muttered as she passed.

Lestrade was about to take Sherlock to task about his lack of social skills, but – as usual – John beat him to it.

Granted, in this new form that entailed John beginning to cry, small hands scrubbing miserably at his eyes, but it still got the point across more effectively than Lestrade's instruction would have.

To his credit, Sherlock looked properly horrified at the sudden onslaught, and hastily scooped the toddler close to him, half-buried in that voluminous coat. Small hands latched onto his scarf as the child cried into it.

"Why is he _doing _that?"

Lestrade stared. "His adult brain's just been regressed several decades, Sherlock," he explained with remarkable patience. "Also, you just said you hated him! What did you _expect _a child to do when his hero says he can't stand him?"

Sherlock looked even more horrified at that idea. "I'm no one's hero," he mumbled, casting a helpless look down at the child who had been his flatmate twelve hours before.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title**: A Messy Business - 3 of 30  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Sherlock, Lestrade, John, will include Mrs. Hudson, Mycroft, etc.  
><strong>Rating<strong>: G  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 221B each (the drabble format I invented for the ACD Holmes fandom years ago)  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: crack fic, fandom trope (see full prompt at link and below), basic episodic spoilers, basic ACD canon spoilers, speculation  
><strong>Summary<strong>: Drabble series fill for for the **sherlockbbc_fic** meme prompt _John is turned into a toddler/young child. He doesn't remember who he was, but he does know that he trusts and loves Sherlock. He likes Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade and, much to Sherlock's annoyance, he even likes Mycroft... _Title comes from **Prompt #1: Beginnings are always messy.**

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><p>Sherlock hated children; they were miniature people who had not the experience to act in a civilized manner. They bit, kicked, squalled, tantrumed, demanded physical displays of affection, and were quite disagreeable little monstrosities.<p>

Also, they showed an appalling lack of hygiene, as currently evidenced by the various fluids saturating his scarf.

He really, _really_did not like children.

But when Lestrade quite seriously asked if Sherlock would rather call Social Services, he bristled.

"Are you implying I am an unacceptable candidate to care for John until I am able to extract a pound of flesh from Mycroft?" he inquired coldly.

Lestrade's eyebrow showed his skepticism of Shakespearean metaphor, but his voice remained calm. "Bit defensive about it, aren't you?"

"I am perfectly suitable to perform the necessities," he snapped, ignoring the small sniffle which was muffled into his coat.

Lestrade had a headache already, trying to mentally prioritize paperwork which would only mysteriously disappear anyhow, given whose lab they had just raided... "And you're doing such a stellar job of it," he drawled, indicating the man's stiff, awkward posture.

"What, exactly, is wrong with the 'job' I am doing?" Sherlock expostulated, gesturing wildly with his free arm, leaving the toddler dangling precariously, half upside-down, in a one-armed grip.

Red-faced, John turned a scowl upward, and kicked him below the belt.


	4. Chapter 4

**Title**: A Messy Business - 4 of 30  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Sherlock, Lestrade, John, will include Mrs. Hudson, Mycroft, etc.  
><strong>Rating<strong>: G  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 221B each (the drabble format I invented for the ACD Holmes fandom years ago)  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: crack fic, fandom trope (see full prompt at link and below), basic episodic spoilers, basic ACD canon spoilers, speculation  
><strong>Summary<strong>: Drabble series fill for for the **sherlockbbc_fic** meme prompt _John is turned into a toddler/young child. He doesn't remember who he was, but he does know that he trusts and loves Sherlock. He likes Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade and, much to Sherlock's annoyance, he even likes Mycroft... _ Title comes from **Prompt #1: Beginnings are always messy.**

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><p>Sherlock's strangled howl as he dropped the toddler like a woolly hot potato got everyone's attention. "John, you little <em>monster<em>!"

Lestrade wondered if it were possible for his head to explode from suppressing laughter. From behind him, Sally's cackle of delight rose clearly above the hasty exits of the forensics team.

Anderson grinned and passed John a fun-sized packet of Maltesers.

"Not. _Helping_," Lestrade muttered, grinning behind his hand.

"Right, so at least we know he's not traumatized as bad as we thought," Anderson observed. "'Less he's in shock, I mean."

"Bwanket!"

Lestrade blinked.

John scowled, and then turned in oh-you-idiots resignation to Sherlock, who was still trying manfully to not whimper. "Bwanket!" the toddler said again, insistently.

"You said _shock_, Lestrade," Sherlock gritted out in explanation, glaring from a safe distance at the be-jumpered scrap of humanity. "And it's bllllanket, John. Do pronounce your words correctly; I doubt your current therapist has additional time during your appointments for _speech_ therapy."

Nevertheless, something inexplicable made him snatch the nearest blanket from the bed (the sight of tiny medical restraints boiled his blood, but that was another matter entirely) and crouch down (_gingerly_) to wrap it around the little one.

Enormous blue eyes looked adoringly up at him, and he knew then that he'd surrendered a battle he never knew he'd begun.


	5. Chapter 5

**Title**: A Messy Business - 5 of 30  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Sherlock, Lestrade, John, will include Mrs. Hudson, Mycroft, etc.  
><strong>Rating<strong>: G  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 221B each (the drabble format I invented for the ACD Holmes fandom years ago)  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: crack fic, fandom trope (see full prompt at link and below), basic episodic spoilers, basic ACD canon spoilers, speculation  
><strong>Summary<strong>: Drabble series fill for for the **sherlockbbc_fic** meme prompt _John is turned into a toddler/young child. He doesn't remember who he was, but he does know that he trusts and loves Sherlock. He likes Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade and, much to Sherlock's annoyance, he even likes Mycroft... _Title comes from **Prompt #1: Beginnings are always messy.**

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><p>Lestrade was torn between doing the right thing, calling someone qualified to care for a child, and sitting back to watch what promised to be the most hilarious thing he'd seen since that corpse had emptied its bladder over Anderson a few months back during a murder investigation.<p>

He liked Sherlock well enough by now, which was something he'd never thought he'd say, and the man who was currently a tiny bundle of woeful blanket and curly blond hair was mostly responsible. That didn't, however, outweigh the fact that he couldn't trust Sherlock's TLC skills any more than he could trust that their flat was clean of both illegal substances and illegally-obtained body parts.

Not the ideal atmosphere for a child, especially one bound to be traumatized.

Also, Sherlock _did _hate children. No one could make a kid cry faster than Sherlock Holmes, much to the combined horror of every female who encountered the borderline-sociopath.

Now, Lestrade watched with disbelief as John lifted his little arms trustingly, blanket tumbling from his shoulders like a discarded cape.

"What, John?" Sherlock inquired curiously, looking down.

Anderson snorted. "You're supposed to _pick them up _when they do that, genius."

"Why?"

The toddler's lower lip began to tremble.

"That's why," Anderson said dryly, as John wrapped his arms around the detective's leg and wailed bitterly.


	6. Chapter 6

**Title**: A Messy Business - 6 of 30  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Sherlock, Lestrade, John, will include Mrs. Hudson, Mycroft, etc.  
><strong>Rating<strong>: G  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 221B each (the drabble format I invented for the ACD Holmes fandom years ago)  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: crack fic, fandom trope (see full prompt at link and below), basic episodic spoilers, basic ACD canon spoilers, speculation  
><strong>Summary<strong>: Drabble series fill for for the **sherlockbbc_fic** meme prompt _John is turned into a toddler/young child. He doesn't remember who he was, but he does know that he trusts and loves Sherlock. He likes Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade and, much to Sherlock's annoyance, he even likes Mycroft... _Title comes from **Prompt #1: Beginnings are always messy.**

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><p>"Why is he crying <em>again<em>? And no, Sergeant, I didn't _break_ him," Sherlock snapped as she approached, alerted by the crying. "Are all children part octopus? Get him _off _me!"

Lestrade looked about three seconds from asphyxiation. "Sherlock," he finally managed, choking back laughter. "Pick him up, for heaven's sake!"

Frankly, Sally thought this development was adorable, but never would she say that to the Freak. John Watson was a good sort; he deserved better, but she knew better than to do more than good-naturedly encourage him to protect himself from self-diagnosed sociopaths.

Now, she looked askance as the Freak tried again, unsuccessfully, to pry John away, before literally trying to _shake _the child off. John only held on with both hands, stubborn as a clam, and cried.

Helpless, Sherlock looked around. Sally smirked, spun on her heel, picking up the Malteser wrapper and shoving it in Anderson's back pocket.

Behind them, Sherlock attempted the direct approach.

"John, cease that infernal sniveling; it is highly undignified. Also, you are spreading mucus."

The child sobbed something unintelligible into his knees.

Sherlock sighed, and crouched down, prying John's hands off rumpled trousers. "Come, then," he muttered dolefully, looking altogether Not Happy. "If you must."

Small hands lost no time in transferring their grip, and he reluctantly stood, arms full of now-snuggling age-regressed blogger.


	7. Chapter 7

**Title**: A Messy Business - 7/30  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Sherlock, Lestrade, John, will include Mrs. Hudson, Mycroft, etc.  
><strong>Rating<strong>: G  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 221B each (the drabble format I invented for the ACD Holmes fandom years ago)  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: crack fic, fandom trope (see full prompt at link and below), basic episodic spoilers, basic ACD canon spoilers, speculation  
><strong>Summary<strong>: Drabble series fill for for the **sherlockbbc_fic** meme prompt _John is turned into a toddler/young child. He doesn't remember who he was, but he does know that he trusts and loves Sherlock. He likes Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade and, much to Sherlock's annoyance, he even likes Mycroft... _Title comes from **Prompt #1: Beginnings are always messy.**

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><p>A child needed so much <em>paraphernalia<em>. Trying to juggle a sleepy bundle of jumper was hard enough; taking the bag of supplies Donovan had found about the lab, simultaneously texting death threats to his brother was even more difficult.

John hiccupped a sleepy protest at being shifted, and latched onto Sherlock's scarf, dragging the soggy cloth into a tiny-toothed mouth.

"Choking me, John." He coughed, and loosened the knot, which only gave the toddler more room to burrow into the cashmere. (The doctor was buying him a new one the instant he regained his proper age, and not from the monstrous crime to fashion which was the shop that sold his jumpers.) He fired off the latest in a series of creative insults and pocketed the phone, flailing a bit to keep the 'baby bag' on his free arm.

John snuggled into him, small fingers clenching and unclenching rhythmically in his scarf. Sighing, he finally tucked the discarded blanket around the child and patted him awkwardly, unsure of how much force to use when the objective was comfort and not regurgitation.

John sneezed, a tiny baby sneeze, and snuffled messily into his shoulder.

Someone in the gaggle which was Anderson's forensics crew cooed.

Sherlock glowered.

Lestrade surreptitiously snapped a picture on his phone before shooing his team out of the building.


	8. Chapter 8

**Title**: A Messy Business - 8/30  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Sherlock, Lestrade, John, will include Mrs. Hudson, Mycroft, etc.  
><strong>Rating<strong>: G  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 221B each (the drabble format I invented for the ACD Holmes fandom years ago)  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: crack fic, fandom trope (see full prompt at link and below), basic episodic spoilers, basic ACD canon spoilers, speculation  
><strong>Summary<strong>: Drabble series fill for for the **sherlockbbc_fic** meme prompt _John is turned into a toddler/young child. He doesn't remember who he was, but he does know that he trusts and loves Sherlock. He likes Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade and, much to Sherlock's annoyance, he even likes Mycroft... _Title comes from **Prompt #1: Beginnings are always messy.**

A/N: The prompt asks for Sherlock to come from a very loving home and therefore able to take care of John with cuddles and everything else that children need, so that's the angle this is taking. Background may not necessarily comply with personal or fandom speculation regarding Sherlock's childhood.

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><p>"Contrary to your uninformed opinions, Lestrade, I am perfectly capable of handling a child, however young," Sherlock later expostulated. "I was not, as you seem to speculate, born into an abusive home, nor am I an idiot."<p>

Lestrade still regarded him doubtfully, though his skepticism had eased upon seeing John snuggled down against Sherlock, sound asleep with a corner of scarf in his curled fist. "You didn't seem very confident earlier. Now look, don't get offended; I'm only worried about John."

Sherlock sighed. "When we first discovered the laboratory, Lestrade, my mind had far more important things to focus upon than calming a toddler – namely, how much I am going to make Mycroft _suffer _before I murder him or run him out of unofficial office. Now that I have…gotten used to the idea, I assure you I will be removing sharp objects from the flat, supporting the head, purchasing the appropriate clothing and food -"

"Yes, yes, I get the picture," the DI said hastily. "And I know it's not for long, but even so – a child needs more than _things _and basic safety precautions, Sherlock."

The detective froze, one hand paused in smoothing down mussed blond hair. "And you believe the sociopath is incapable of providing the more intangible elements of a…caring home, is that it, Lestrade," he asked bitterly.


	9. Chapter 9

**Title**: A Messy Business - 9/30  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Sherlock, Lestrade, John, will include Mrs. Hudson, Mycroft, etc.  
><strong>Rating<strong>: G  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 221B each (the drabble format I invented for the ACD Holmes fandom years ago)  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: crack fic, fandom trope (see full prompt at link and below), basic episodic spoilers, basic ACD canon spoilers, speculation  
><strong>Summary<strong>: Drabble series fill for for the **sherlockbbc_fic** meme prompt _John is turned into a toddler/young child. He doesn't remember who he was, but he does know that he trusts and loves Sherlock. He likes Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade and, much to Sherlock's annoyance, he even likes Mycroft... _Title comes from **Prompt #1: Beginnings are always messy.**

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><p>You're no more a sociopath than I am, and we both know it," he retorted. "Self-diagnosed, I'll bet my retirement plan, and though you're the most self-centric and <em>ec<em>centric person I've ever met you're not psychopathic or anything close to it. If you were, John would've left you high and dry months ago."

Grey eyes blinked in astonishment. "Are you feeling quite well, Inspector?"

"Shut up and for once _you_ listen to _me_," Lestrade snapped. "I think you're on your way to being a human being, Sherlock, and I've seen how you look at him." He indicated the snoozing bundle held protectively against the dark coat. "I see how you hold the door for him on rainy days; how you grab three extra sugar packets from Costa because he always forgets their coffee's too strong for him."

A flush had crept into pale cheekbones. "Your powers of observation are improving, Lestrade, though I fail to see your point."

"I saw your face when he got hit by that drunk driver last November."

Sherlock paled again.

"I know you're capable of showing it, Sherlock," the DI said, clapping him on the shoulder gently. "But a child's not going to recognize the subtlety of sugar packets. Kids only know hugs and small words. D'you think you can manage that until he changes back?"


	10. Chapter 10

**Title**: A Messy Business - 10 of 30  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Sherlock, Lestrade, John, will include Mrs. Hudson, Mycroft, etc.  
><strong>Rating<strong>: G  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 221B each (the drabble format I invented for the ACD Holmes fandom years ago)  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: crack fic, fandom trope (see full prompt at link and below), basic episodic spoilers, basic ACD canon spoilers, speculation  
><strong>Summary<strong>: Drabble series fill for for the **sherlockbbc_fic** meme prompt _John is turned into a toddler/young child. He doesn't remember who he was, but he does know that he trusts and loves Sherlock. He likes Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade and, much to Sherlock's annoyance, he even likes Mycroft... _Title comes from **Prompt #1: Beginnings are always messy.**  
><strong>AN: **The full prompt (see link) asks for Sherlock's family background to be as I've said here, and for him to therefore be capable of taking care of a baby with the appropriate love and cuddles etc. May or may not comply with personal or fandom speculation regarding Sherlock's childhood, so be warned.

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><p>He'd been born into a fairly normal, loving family. Granted, he had not been the best-mannered child and had felt that he was punished more than Mycroft – but upon looking back objectively, it had been rather deserved. There had been no shortage of emotional displays; he had worshipped his older brother until Mycroft deserted him for university, and his mother had been almost cloyingly affectionate. He did not much enjoy effusive displays of emotion now; but then, it had been an anchor in the growing chaos which was his overactive mind.<p>

But he remembered vividly those days before he'd grown older and smarter – too much so – and drifted from his family into his own, more interesting, world. Days when he'd spend hours sitting on Mummy's lap, reading her books along with, or when Mycroft would haul him out of a tree/hole/dilapidated barn/wherever-he'd-been-hiding, cuff him upside the head for scaring the household, and then hug him within an inch of his life. They were the few childhood memories he had never been quite able to delete, for some inexplicable reason.

Lestrade was looking at him oddly, and he realised he was cradling John's sleeping form closely against him, cheek resting on the little one's tousled hair.

"Never mind," the inspector said quietly, and held the door for him and his small burden.


	11. Chapter 11

**Title**: A Messy Business - 11 of 30  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Sherlock, Lestrade, John, will include Mrs. Hudson, Mycroft, etc.  
><strong>Rating<strong>: G  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 221B each (the drabble format I invented for the ACD Holmes fandom years ago)  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: crack fic, fandom trope (see full prompt at link and below), basic episodic spoilers, basic ACD canon spoilers, speculation  
><strong>Summary<strong>: Drabble series fill for for the **sherlockbbc_fic** meme prompt _John is turned into a toddler/young child. He doesn't remember who he was, but he does know that he trusts and loves Sherlock. He likes Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade and, much to Sherlock's annoyance, he even likes Mycroft... _Title comes from **Prompt #1: Beginnings are always messy.**  
><strong>AN: **The full prompt (see link) asks for Sherlock's family background to be as I've said here, and for him to therefore be capable of taking care of a baby with the appropriate love and cuddles etc. May or may not comply with personal or fandom speculation regarding Sherlock's childhood, so be warned.

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><p>Mrs. Hudson (not your babysitter, dear) went for supplies. Sherlock, after a few moments' contemplation, upended a plastic-slotted laundry basket over the drowsing toddler to keep him corralled while he baby-proofed the flat.<p>

John's outraged howls shook the windows, but what else was he supposed to do while he shelved hydrochloric acid and retrieved John's gun?

To make matters worse, Mrs. Hudson returned during the most vociferous scream, and promptly laid into him (he'd put John on a blanket, given him the now-soggy scarf in lieu of a cuddle-toy, and that was what Google instructed _should _be done with a sleeping infant! How was he possibly to blame?).

"I couldn't have him crawling about the flat, now could I?" he demanded crossly, flinging a scimitar into his bedroom and slamming the door.

Finally his throbbing eardrums could take no more. He snatched John off his landlady's lap, and held him at eye level. "That is _quite _enough," he said sternly, staring into blue eyes just to make certain…yes, tantrum, not tears.

John hiccupped, and fell silent.

"Shush," he soothed. Propping him carefully in the crook of one arm, Sherlock smiled and tapped the toddler on his button nose.

John's little face crinkled up, and he giggled.

"You see, Mrs. Hudson, he's perfectly fi – JOHN HAMISH WATSON, there will be no biting!"


	12. Chapter 12

**Title**: A Messy Business - 12 of 30  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Sherlock, Lestrade, John, will include Mrs. Hudson, Mycroft, etc.  
><strong>Rating<strong>: G  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 221B each (the drabble format I invented for the ACD Holmes fandom years ago)  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: crack fic, fandom trope (see full prompt at link and below), basic episodic spoilers, basic ACD canon spoilers, speculation  
><strong>Summary<strong>: Drabble series fill for for the **sherlockbbc_fic** meme prompt _John is turned into a toddler/young child. He doesn't remember who he was, but he does know that he trusts and loves Sherlock. He likes Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade and, much to Sherlock's annoyance, he even likes Mycroft... _Title comes from **Prompt #1: Beginnings are always messy.**

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><p>Mrs. Hudson's motherly laugh did nothing to assuage the sting in his index finger, from where it had been champed down on by tiny incisors. He vaguely recalled from his fifteen-minute Google binge that children did tend to gnaw on things (drooling was indicative of teething) and that it was most likely not malice which prompted the action; nonetheless, he didn't want it repeated.<p>

Nor did he want John's eyes filling up with tears, however, and he hastily modulated his tone, tapping the child's nose again. "Now, none of that, John. I'm not angry with you. But no biting, understand? The human mouth holds more germs than the average public toilet seat, you should know that as a doctor."

John sniffled and grabbed his finger. "No," he said again, more firmly, as the toddler yanked with both tiny hands.

The little one froze, mouth open and appendage halfway to it. Sherlock raised an eyebrow, trying not to laugh at the goldfish-like expression.

"_No_, John."

"Noh?"

"Oh, so he _can _talk!" Mrs. Hudson cooed from behind them, and Sherlock rolled his eyes.

John giggled, and stuffed his own fingers in his mouth. Sherlock felt that to be a suitable compromise.

"He said _blanket_ earlier, Mrs. Hudson; I presume monosyllabic words are less effort," he replied, giving the chortling little one a bounce.


	13. Chapter 13

**Title**: A Messy Business - 13 of 30  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Sherlock, Lestrade, John, will include Mrs. Hudson, Mycroft, etc.  
><strong>Rating<strong>: G  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 221B each (the drabble format I invented for the ACD Holmes fandom years ago)  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: crack fic, fandom trope (see full prompt at link and below), basic episodic spoilers, basic ACD canon spoilers, speculation  
><strong>Summary<strong>: Drabble series fill for for the **sherlockbbc_fic** meme prompt _John is turned into a toddler/young child. He doesn't remember who he was, but he does know that he trusts and loves Sherlock. He likes Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade and, much to Sherlock's annoyance, he even likes Mycroft... _Title comes from **Prompt #1: Beginnings are always messy.**

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><p>"Here are some little jumpers, and a collapsible play-bed, I know you said this wouldn't last long but just in case, Sherlock," Mrs. Hudson nattered onward, while he was engaged in entertaining his small flatmate with the old round-and-round-the-garden-like-a-teddy-bear tickling rhyme. John's shrieks of laughter were certainly preferable to his tantrums, and he noted the most ticklish locations under the Do Not Delete folder in his hard drive for later retribution.<p>

"Oh, and this, dear," the woman said. Sherlock looked up from the couch and got a faceful of garish orange fur.

"Ah…thank you," he managed, taking the misshapen stuffed cat and passing it to John's eager grabby hands. Privately he was just a bit disappointed it had not been a Paddington Bear; he had one when he was small, until he'd lost it at a train station. He'd cried into Mycroft's shoulder for the entire two-hour train ride.

"I'll make you some tea – milk for John – and biscuits, just because you've got your hands full, Sherlock."

"Tea would be lovely, Mrs. Hudson," he shouted after her, and received a wide-eyed look from the child he had probably just deafened.

"Want," John said clearly.

"You can't have tea; _childnutrition .co .uk _says sugar and caffeine are a Not Good combination in one your size."

"WANT TEA!"

"No," he retorted, mystified at the belligerence.


	14. Chapter 14

**Title**: A Messy Business - 14 of 30  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Sherlock, Lestrade, John, will include Mrs. Hudson, Mycroft, etc.  
><strong>Rating<strong>: G  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 221B each (the drabble format I invented for the ACD Holmes fandom years ago)  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: crack fic, fandom trope (see full prompt at link and below), basic episodic spoilers, basic ACD canon spoilers, speculation  
><strong>Summary<strong>: Drabble series fill for for the **sherlockbbc_fic** meme prompt _John is turned into a toddler/young child. He doesn't remember who he was, but he does know that he trusts and loves Sherlock. He likes Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade and, much to Sherlock's annoyance, he even likes Mycroft... _ Title comes from **Prompt #1: Beginnings are always messy.**

* * *

><p>John batted him with the stuffed cat.<p>

"Physical violence will change nothing, John."

The child's lower lip wobbled.

"You will have milk and like it," he stated severely.

"Want _tea_," was the mournful response, and a horrible thought then occurred to him – was his flatmate in his right mind, but trapped inside the body and communicative skills of a three-year-old?

He reached for his phone, one hand holding John in place, and fired off a rapid text.

_I require details. Now._

Little hands grabbed at the mobile. "No," he said sternly, handing John the stuffed cat instead.

John chewed on its ear for a moment and then threw it across the room.

His phone chimed. Elder brother was taking the coward's way out.

_What could I tell you that my laboratory's research notes could not?_

_The state of his mind. If you say that my John is trapped in the body of this child I will murder you, I swear, and no remonstration from Mummy will save you._

_Mind regresses in proportion to age. Should have no recollection of adult life._

He huffed a sigh of relief, and felt a wash of amusement as, below his chin, the toddler on his lap did the same.

Still, amusing as the child was, Sherlock was more than ready to have his blogger back.


	15. Chapter 15

**Title**: A Messy Business - 15 of 30  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Sherlock, Lestrade, John, will include Mrs. Hudson, Mycroft, etc.  
><strong>Rating<strong>: G  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 221B each (the drabble format I invented for the ACD Holmes fandom years ago)  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: crack fic, fandom trope (see full prompt at link and below), basic episodic spoilers, basic ACD canon spoilers, speculation  
><strong>Summary<strong>: Drabble series fill for for the **sherlockbbc_fic** meme prompt _John is turned into a toddler/young child. He doesn't remember who he was, but he does know that he trusts and loves Sherlock. He likes Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade and, much to Sherlock's annoyance, he even likes Mycroft... _ Title comes from **Prompt #1: Beginnings are always messy.**

* * *

><p>Only two serious mishaps occurred during the afternoon. One, John upended a glass of milk onto Sherlock's silk shirt. And <em>laughed<em>. Second, twenty minutes later the child began a peculiar sort of uncomfortable hopping dance.

Thank every deity in existence, Mrs. Hudson had been clearing the tea-tray then. "Sherlock, dear, he needs the toilet," she'd stated, matter-of-factly (which he appreciated), and then asked the child if he needed help. It was a small point in Mycroft's scientists' favor that the age regression hadn't gone beyond toilet training; John shook his head and disappeared into the bath, only hollering for Sherlock minutes later because he couldn't reach the soap dispenser.

John began to get stroppy a half-hour later, whining into his stuffed cat and generally looking ten seconds away from a tantrum. Google informed Sherlock that small children needed "naps" if they were to maintain cheerfulness.

Surprisingly enough, when he'd settled John, replaced the clutched scarf with the cat (for fear of choking), and dimmed the lights, it wasn't more than a few minutes before the child was sound asleep.

Sherlock looked down in bewilderment, wondering how many more characteristics of the adult were going to seep through the consciousness of a child.

He found out another one two hours later, when the little one began sobbing, moving restlessly in the padded bed.


	16. Chapter 16

**Title**: A Messy Business - 16 of 30  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Sherlock, Lestrade, John, will include Mrs. Hudson, Mycroft, etc.  
><strong>Rating<strong>: G  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 221B each (the drabble format I invented for the ACD Holmes fandom years ago)  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: crack fic, fandom trope (see full prompt at link and below), basic episodic spoilers, basic ACD canon spoilers, speculation  
><strong>Summary<strong>: Drabble series fill for for the **sherlockbbc_fic** meme prompt _John is turned into a toddler/young child. He doesn't remember who he was, but he does know that he trusts and loves Sherlock. He likes Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade and, much to Sherlock's annoyance, he even likes Mycroft... _Title comes from **Prompt #1: Beginnings are always messy.**

* * *

><p>He didn't know that children this young could have nightmares, had thought he was the only one to wake up terrified of what his child-mind could produce. But evidently he was not; the evidence lay before him, whimpering into the orange blanket Sherlock had thrown over a sleeping John.<p>

There was really no justice in the world, if the evils it contained could work their way into the unprotected mind of a sleeping child.

The worst of it, was that John's sobs were nearly silent, and Sherlock would never have heard them had he not been watching for data in this uncontrolled experiment. How many times had his flatmate been trapped in a nightmare upstairs, and he'd never heard a sound, never knew?

John woke himself up suddenly, tears rolling down his little face, and he had scooped the child into his arms, blanket and all, before his brain even had time to command the movement. Two small hands latched onto his shirt and held on for dear life, and a wet patch was growing on his shoulder, but that was obviously of secondary importance.

He cradled the back of the child's head with one hand, and hoped it was merely residual fear. If the child's mind was being subjected to an adult's nightmares, then he would never forgive his brother.


	17. Chapter 17

**Title**: A Messy Business - 17 of 30  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Sherlock, Lestrade, John, will include Mrs. Hudson, Mycroft, etc.  
><strong>Rating<strong>: G  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 221B each (the drabble format I invented for the ACD Holmes fandom years ago)  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: crack fic, fandom trope (see full prompt at link and below), basic episodic spoilers, basic ACD canon spoilers, speculation  
><strong>Summary<strong>: Drabble series fill for for the **sherlockbbc_fic** meme prompt _John is turned into a toddler/young child. He doesn't remember who he was, but he does know that he trusts and loves Sherlock. He likes Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade and, much to Sherlock's annoyance, he even likes Mycroft... _Title comes from **Prompt #1: Beginnings are always messy.**

* * *

><p>He flinched as the little one wailed something unintelligible into his neck, more because he was incapable of understanding than because of the resulting dampness on his collar. Nothing was more annoying than helplessness (except boredom, but that was a category all its own), and he had never felt quite so incapable.<p>

"Shhhhh," he soothed as he had seen parents do, and wished ironically that he had not deleted what knowledge he had possessed on the subject of calming down children. Child-rearing had, quite simply, been less valuable information than how to comfort an adult, specifically an ex-RAMC soldier, and therefore had been deleted to free up hard drive space.

Unfortunately, those two were now one and the same, and he was clueless.

"Shhh," he said again, gently swaying in what was (hopefully) the 'rocking' motion described by the last website. Unfortunately his phone was in his pocket; he could not search for a better method. "All right, you're all right."

The toddler sobbed something into his shoulder, huffing out a hiccupping breath that fairly shook the little body in his arms.

"Yes, I know." He didn't, but it was as good a response as any. "But you're fine, John."

The child sniffled, and curled tighter against him, one hand snaking out to trace along the edge of the closest shirt-button.


	18. Chapter 18

**Title**: A Messy Business - 18 of 30  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Sherlock, Lestrade, John, will include Mrs. Hudson, Mycroft, etc.  
><strong>Rating<strong>: G  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 221B each (the drabble format I invented for the ACD Holmes fandom years ago)  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: crack fic, fandom trope (see full prompt at link and below), basic episodic spoilers, basic ACD canon spoilers, speculation  
><strong>Summary<strong>: Drabble series fill for for the **sherlockbbc_fic** meme prompt _John is turned into a toddler/young child. He doesn't remember who he was, but he does know that he trusts and loves Sherlock. He likes Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade and, much to Sherlock's annoyance, he even likes Mycroft... _ Title comes from **Prompt #1: Beginnings are always messy.**

* * *

><p>Somehow they got through the night. When Mrs. Hudson thumped on the door with a carton of milk and plate of hot jam-and-buttered scones, Sherlock awoke unexpectedly with a crick in his neck from sleeping horizontally without a pillow and about three ounces of saliva crusted on his shirt from the half-open, half-filled-with-stuffed-cat mouth of his still pint-sized flatmate.<p>

He was loathe to rouse the little one, but apparently the smell of breakfast was sufficiently gentle an awakening. John yawned, shoved the plush animal away from his mouth, and rubbed his face sleepily against Sherlock's shirt-front.

Sherlock watched with interest as the movement apparently served its purpose, and blue eyes blinked open slowly, lashes sticking together with residue left from crying.

"Good-morning, John," he offered, not precisely certain what the etiquette was for greeting one's adult-friend-in-a-toddler's-body.

The child snuffled, scrubbing a small fist against his left eye, and blinked at him uncomprehending from the other.

Then the little one's eyes brightened, and he shot upright, driving a small knee into Sherlock's stomach. "Milk!" he cried, pointing, and the gleeful exclamation was loud enough to drown out the detective's pained moaning.

"You and your bloody milk," he muttered, plopping the bouncing child on the couch next to him. His shirt stuck unpleasantly to him via drool, and he smelt disgustingly of _baby_.


	19. Chapter 19

**Title**: A Messy Business - 19 of 30  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Sherlock, Lestrade, John, will include Mrs. Hudson, Mycroft, etc.  
><strong>Rating<strong>: G  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 221B each (the drabble format I invented for the ACD Holmes fandom years ago)  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: crack fic, fandom trope (see full prompt at link and below), basic episodic spoilers, basic ACD canon spoilers, speculation  
><strong>Summary<strong>: Drabble series fill for for the **sherlockbbc_fic** meme prompt _John is turned into a toddler/young child. He doesn't remember who he was, but he does know that he trusts and loves Sherlock. He likes Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade and, much to Sherlock's annoyance, he even likes Mycroft... _ Title comes from **Prompt #1: Beginnings are always messy.**

* * *

><p>"Sherlock, language!" Mrs. Hudson tutted, bustling about with a plate – not china, plastic, smart woman – and sipper-cup.<p>

"Please," he scoffed. "John is _Army_, Mrs. Hudson, despite his current diminutive state."

"WANT MILK!"

"Oh good Lord," he moaned, scrubbing both hands through his hair.

"No, dear," Mrs. Hudson chirped cheerfully. "Loo first, there's a good lad. Then scones and jam?"

"Milk!"

"That too, dear. Now be a love and come along, let Sherlock get himself prettied up."

He was grateful to the woman for caring for the more awkward portions of this affair – wait.

"I do not _get prettied up_!" he shouted indignantly at the closed door.

The starkest reminder of the situation was that John didn't shoot him back an impertinent text message, as he would have had he been able to. Strange, he mused, that that would be a detail he would miss so vividly. He lurched into his bedroom and spent fifteen blessedly child-free minutes hunting for a clean shirt in the wreckage.

Two cups of tea later, he felt more human. John had returned and was nattering nonsense at him through a mouthful of jammy crumbs. Perhaps things were starting to look up?

His phone rang.

**Incoming Call:**  
><strong>Bane-of-my-Existence (Do Not Answer)<strong>

John giggled and stuffed an entire scone in his mouth, cheeks bulging like a small badger.


	20. Chapter 20

**Title**: A Messy Business - 20 of 30(ish)  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Sherlock, Lestrade, John, will include Mrs. Hudson, Mycroft, etc.  
><strong>Rating<strong>: G  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 221B each (the drabble format I invented for the ACD Holmes fandom years ago)  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: crack fic, fandom trope (see full prompt at link and below), basic episodic spoilers, basic ACD canon spoilers, speculation  
><strong>Summary<strong>: Drabble series fill for for the **sherlockbbc_fic** meme prompt _John is turned into a toddler/young child. He doesn't remember who he was, but he does know that he trusts and loves Sherlock. He likes Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade and, much to Sherlock's annoyance, he even likes Mycroft... _Title comes from **Prompt #1: Beginnings are always messy.**

* * *

><p>How Mycroft could make his phone ring more insistently every time he hit Ignore, Sherlock had no idea. Finally, cursing under his breath, he stabbed the Answer button.<p>

"Are you _asking _me to release a bio-hazard into your office heating ducts?"

John eyed him over top of a third scone.

"I thought perhaps a new day and the affection of a child would have mitigated your disposition, Sherlock. I see I was in error."

"Do you have a point, Mycroft?"

John, who had been noisily sucking milk out of his sipper-cup, sat up suddenly. "Myke!" he said brightly, beaming up at the aghast detective.

"Oh, lovely; he has no difficulty pronouncing the name of the man who's responsible for this entire _debacle_."

"I detect jealousy, Sherlock." He bit back the denial, knowing it would ring false, and settled for pulling faces at the child sitting at the kitchen table. John's giggles as he promptly hid behind the jug of milk, peeking out one-eyed, reassured him of the little one's loyalties.

Mycroft was still at it. "And I am not responsible for this, directly, though I suppose I am to blame for the rash actions of my employees."

"That is a complete load of…" he bit down on the word as John glared earnestly at him, "lies. You are _entirely_ to blame."


	21. Chapter 21

**Title**: A Messy Business - 21 of 30(ish)  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Sherlock, Lestrade, John, will include Mrs. Hudson, Mycroft, etc.  
><strong>Rating<strong>: G  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 221B each (the drabble format I invented for the ACD Holmes fandom years ago)  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: crack fic, fandom trope (see full prompt at link and below), basic episodic spoilers, basic ACD canon spoilers, speculation  
><strong>Summary<strong>: Drabble series fill for for the **sherlockbbc_fic** meme prompt _John is turned into a toddler/young child. He doesn't remember who he was, but he does know that he trusts and loves Sherlock. He likes Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade and, much to Sherlock's annoyance, he even likes Mycroft... _Title comes from **Prompt #1: Beginnings are always messy.**

* * *

><p>"I assure you, Sherlock, that I never suggested using John as a test subject, nor did I sanction such."<p>

"Then clarify, brother _dear_," he snapped, though he hadn't given the man time to explain…

John hiccupped, wide-eyed, and looked so utterly startled by it that he laughed.

"…Am I amusing you?"

"Hardly, Mycroft."

"Sherlock, the laboratory is a high-security facility, used for societal rehabilitation."

"You're rehabilitating less desirable members of society into _children_?"

"With their full consent, Sherlock; do stop trying to twist this into a Frankensteinian television program. Those worst offenders are given the choice of life imprisonment or governmental rehabilitation. If the latter, they are regressed to a child and worked into foster care."

He froze. "Then this is permanent?"

"Usually. But in this case, my staff merely took security precautions. Any unidentified trespassers are temporarily…incapacitated, until they can be dealt with. Had you not brought the NSY down, I would have been called an hour later."

Well.

"My staff were over-eager, and disregarded protocol in regressing John without seeking my authorization first," Mycroft continued. "They have been dealt with."

"How?" he asked curiously, snatching the last scone.

"That melodramatic little institute in Cardiff does not have a monopoly on controlled memory loss, Sherlock. I assure you, I do not tolerate repeated incompetence. They have paid for their blunder."


	22. Chapter 22

**Title**: A Messy Business - 22 of 30(ish)  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Sherlock, Lestrade, John, will include Mrs. Hudson, Mycroft, etc.  
><strong>Rating<strong>: G  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 221B each (the drabble format I invented for the ACD Holmes fandom years ago)  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: crack fic, fandom trope (see full prompt at link and below), basic episodic spoilers, basic ACD canon spoilers, speculation  
><strong>Summary<strong>: Drabble series fill for for the **sherlockbbc_fic** meme prompt _John is turned into a toddler/young child. He doesn't remember who he was, but he does know that he trusts and loves Sherlock. He likes Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade and, much to Sherlock's annoyance, he even likes Mycroft... _Title comes from **Prompt #1: Beginnings are always messy.**

* * *

><p>Sherlock absently munched on the scone. A blop of jam fell onto the table, and was promptly licked up by a small, eager tongue.<p>

He stared in unhygienic horror. "That was utterly repulsive," he informed the child.

John stuck a jammy tongue out at him and slid down in his chair until only his eyes and ruffled hair showed above the edge.

_"…Do I want to know?"_

He hung up without bothering to answer; the most important information had already been exchanged. If Mycroft wished to see the results of his unauthorized experiment then he could jolly well use the surveillance cameras so well-hidden in the flat that several attempts had not disclosed their locations.

John slid down another inch, peeping up at him.

"What, precisely, are you _doing_?" he inquired; perhaps it was some ritual he'd deleted.

John giggled and slid down all the way, vanishing from sight.

Eyebrows raised in genuine curiosity, he leaned over to look under the table. John immediately scrambled back up into his chair, giggling again.

Mystified, Sherlock sat back up, only to see the process repeated. Four times.

A near-nosebleed later, he realised it was a _game_.

Games were, Google informed him, a crucial portion of child development, and were to be encouraged.

Well, then. Loss of dignity was at least preferable to boredom.


	23. Chapter 23

**Title**: A Messy Business - 23 of 30(ish)  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Sherlock, Lestrade, John, will include Mrs. Hudson, Mycroft, etc.  
><strong>Rating<strong>: G  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 221B each (the drabble format I invented for the ACD Holmes fandom years ago)  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: crack fic, fandom trope (see full prompt at link and below), basic episodic spoilers, basic ACD canon spoilers, speculation  
><strong>Summary<strong>: Drabble series fill for for the **sherlockbbc_fic** meme prompt _John is turned into a toddler/young child. He doesn't remember who he was, but he does know that he trusts and loves Sherlock. He likes Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade and, much to Sherlock's annoyance, he even likes Mycroft... _Title comes from **Prompt #1: Beginnings are always messy.**

* * *

><p>The fifth time John disappeared, he huffed and stood, walking toward the lounge. "Oh, dear, John seems to have vanished," he pronounced loudly. "I <em>wonder<em> where he could _be_."

A small body barreled into him with staggering force, and he looked down to see a pint-sized jumper wrapped around his legs.

"RAWR," the child growled muffledly. "Imma octobus!"

"Octopus," he corrected automatically, "and they do not go RAWR, by the way."

The growling stopped abruptly and two blue eyes peered up at him. "No rawr?"

"No rawr."

John raised his little arms trustingly, and he swung the child up without deliberation. John wriggled, unintentionally planting his knee in the consultant's sternum, until he was on eye level, alarmingly close. "What?" the toddler asked, frowning.

"What sound do they make?" Sherlock hazarded, helpless before the lack of vocabulary.

"No rawr!"

"No." He smiled. "They….er. Well, they don't make much sound, John." No one could stand impassive before the face of child-disappointment, and he was rather proud of rising to the occasion. "They do, however," he said, thin fingers inching up the child's sides, "have eight arms, that can do all sorts of things."

"What tings?"

"Things like this!" he whispered, and his fingers flexed, then pounced.

He wished he'd turned their webcam on; John's shrieks of laughter would be perfect potential blackmail.


	24. Chapter 24

**Title**: A Messy Business - 24 of 30(ish)  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Sherlock, Lestrade, John, will include Mrs. Hudson, Mycroft, etc.  
><strong>Rating<strong>: G  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 221B each (the drabble format I invented for the ACD Holmes fandom years ago)  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: crack fic, fandom trope (see full prompt at link and below), basic episodic spoilers, basic ACD canon spoilers, speculation  
><strong>Summary<strong>: Drabble series fill for for the **sherlockbbc_fic** meme prompt _John is turned into a toddler/young child. He doesn't remember who he was, but he does know that he trusts and loves Sherlock. He likes Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade and, much to Sherlock's annoyance, he even likes Mycroft... _Title comes from **Prompt #1: Beginnings are always messy.**

* * *

><p>Detective Inspector Lestrade had seen Sherlock Holmes in many conditions over the years. From a too-brilliant junkie wasting his brain cells on a quick fix, to bleeding out in an alley with John Watson barking orders that made <em>civilians <em>salute – he'd seen the man in about every situation, embarrassing or otherwise.

But never in his life had he seen this, something that made him freeze in the doorway of 221B's lounge, eyeballs threatening to pop out of his head.

"Well, do not just stand there, Lestrade," his consultant called, unruffled by the fact that he was practically galloping across the room toward the kitchen, a three-year-old child perched precariously on his thin shoulders and giggling like an idiot, small arms waving madly like knitted wind-socks. "And shut the door, I don't want him wandering out into the hall and falling down the stairs! Honestly, one would think you were _entirely _lacking in common sense."

He shut the door, still staring.

Within moments the man reappeared, one hand keeping the toddler in place on his shoulders and the other making quick work of a lengthy text message. "What have you got?" Sherlock asked, without looking up. John's little socked feet kicked slightly as he bounced on the detective's thin shoulders.

"Ah…nothing, really, just wanted to check on you. Actually on you both."


	25. Chapter 25

**Title**: A Messy Business - 25 of 30(ish)  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Sherlock, Lestrade, John, will include Mrs. Hudson, Mycroft, etc.  
><strong>Rating<strong>: G  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 221B each (the drabble format I invented for the ACD Holmes fandom years ago)  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: crack fic, fandom trope (see full prompt at link and below), basic episodic spoilers, basic ACD canon spoilers, speculation  
><strong>Summary<strong>: Drabble series fill for for the **sherlockbbc_fic** meme prompt _John is turned into a toddler/young child. He doesn't remember who he was, but he does know that he trusts and loves Sherlock. He likes Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade and, much to Sherlock's annoyance, he even likes Mycroft... _Title comes from **Prompt #1: Beginnings are always messy.**

* * *

><p>"We are perfectly functional as you can see, Inspector. JOHN WATSON, release my hair. <em>Immediately<em>."

The child, who had wobbled and grabbed two handfuls of dark curls to steady himself, stuck his tongue out at the top of Sherlock's head. Lestrade hid a smile as two wide eyes peered around the hair and beamed at him.

"Stwayde!"

"Oh, lovely, he can say everyone's name but mine," Sherlock muttered.

"Cute little thing though, isn't he?" He reached out and tickled the bottom of John's left foot. The child giggled and kicked, nearly giving Sherlock a black eye.

Sherlock looked at him with utter loathing.

"Sorry."

"Hi!"

"Hello, John," he replied, smiling at the child, who was pointing…down at the floor?

"Not a greeting, Inspector; really, do _try _to deduce." Sherlock pocketed the phone, and reached both hands upward to join with John's. "He is entirely unaccustomed to seeing the world from this height, even at his proper age."

"Somehow I think you'd better hope he doesn't remember you just called him _short_, when he changes back," Lestrade suggested, grinning.

The look of horror made him wish he had a camera. "Mycroft said he should remember nothing!"

"And he also said the process of re-transformation should be instantaneous, didn't he?"

"Yes…why?"

"Sherlock, didn't you notice his trousers are two inches shorter than before?"


	26. Chapter 26

**Title**: A Messy Business - 26 of 30(ish)  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Sherlock, Lestrade, John, will include Mrs. Hudson, Mycroft, etc.  
><strong>Rating<strong>: G  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 221B each (the drabble format I invented for the ACD Holmes fandom years ago)  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: crack fic, fandom trope (see full prompt at link and below), basic episodic spoilers, basic ACD canon spoilers, speculation  
><strong>Summary<strong>: Drabble series fill for for the **sherlockbbc_fic** meme prompt _John is turned into a toddler/young child. He doesn't remember who he was, but he does know that he trusts and loves Sherlock. He likes Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade and, much to Sherlock's annoyance, he even likes Mycroft... _Title comes from **Prompt #1: Beginnings are always messy.**

* * *

><p>Lestrade suddenly found himself with two arms full of startled toddler, as Sherlock's face went white as a ghost. He fairly threw John at the inspector before fumbling for his phone.<p>

"Ah…hallo, then," he tried, tucking John into one arm and praying to every deity who had the time to listen that the kid wouldn't start squalling.

John looked unhappy at being jostled around and separated from Sherlock, but he only huffed out a tiny sigh and snuggled down against the DI's coat, one hand snugged under the lapel. Lestrade patted the little one on the back and watched the fireworks ignite.

"I don't care what your idiots of a research team said, he is _growing_, Mycroft!" Sherlock was belting out with enough volume to act as a subwoofer. "Make him _stop_!"

John giggled into his shoulder, and he suddenly had a mental picture of a toddler Sherlock, all mop of curls and enormous too-bright eyes, whingeing to his big brother to make the world stop being so stupid.

Grinning, he hitched the little one up further. "Can you really not say his name, hm?" he asked, looking down. John's little nose wrinkled up as he laughed and hid his face in the detective's coat. "Or just won't?" The child only poked his finger through an open buttonhole. "Cheeky little beggar."


	27. Chapter 27

**Title**: A Messy Business - 27 of 30(ish)  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Sherlock, Lestrade, John, will include Mrs. Hudson, Mycroft, etc.  
><strong>Rating<strong>: G  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 221B each (the drabble format I invented for the ACD Holmes fandom years ago)  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: crack fic, fandom trope (see full prompt at link and below), basic episodic spoilers, basic ACD canon spoilers, speculation  
><strong>Summary<strong>: Drabble series fill for for the **sherlockbbc_fic** meme prompt _John is turned into a toddler/young child. He doesn't remember who he was, but he does know that he trusts and loves Sherlock. He likes Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade and, much to Sherlock's annoyance, he even likes Mycroft... _Title comes from **Prompt #1: Beginnings are always messy.**

* * *

><p>"Want!"<p>

Lestrade looked up to see Sherlock throw the stuffed cat at the wall, fuming, before loosing several expletives which made him cover John's exposed ear.

"Language," he tutted, crouching down to get the poor abused kitty. Sherlock shot him a filthy look, which he ignored in favor of keeping hold of John, who was leaning too far over his arm to reach the toy. He snatched it and presented it to the child with a passable _mrrrreeow_, eliciting a giggle. "Here you are, then, sir," he said, bowing respectfully.

John dropped the cat and hugged him. He stared at the child's curly blond hair in amazement.

Sherlock's jaw dropped.

"You are certain?" the consultant snapped into the mobile a moment later, his glare nearly burning a hole in the wall-plaster. "If you are incorrect I will set fire to the hoard of Lindt balls you keep under the bedroom floorboards."

Lestrade covered his laughter by snatching up John and tossing him into the air and catching him, smiling at the shrieks of delight. By that time Sherlock had hung up on his brother.

"More!" John demanded, clapping his hands.

Sherlock was advancing upon him with murder written in his eyes. Lestrade hastily passed the child over.

Only an idiot argues with an over-protective sociopath. Lestrade was nowhere near that brave.


	28. Chapter 28

**Title**: A Messy Business - 28 of 30  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Sherlock, Lestrade, John, will include Mrs. Hudson, Mycroft, etc.  
><strong>Rating<strong>: G  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 221B each (the drabble format I invented for the ACD Holmes fandom years ago)  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: crack fic, fandom trope (see full prompt at link and below), basic episodic spoilers, basic ACD canon spoilers, speculation  
><strong>Summary<strong>: Drabble series fill for for the **sherlockbbc_fic** meme prompt _John is turned into a toddler/young child. He doesn't remember who he was, but he does know that he trusts and loves Sherlock. He likes Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade and, much to Sherlock's annoyance, he even likes Mycroft... _Title comes from **Prompt #1: Beginnings are always messy.**

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><p>"This is Very. Very. Bad." Sherlock was pacing in a tight circle, miniature flatmate tucked haphazardly into the crook of one arm. Lestrade saw John's eyes crossing, and was torn between warning Sherlock or just watching with glee when the kid decided to throw up. "Very bad. As in, <em>apocalyptic <em>bad."

The pacing continued. "And of course, Mycroft has wiped the memories of the scientists responsible! Brilliant, that! Some undiscovered anomaly in the process, and this is the result, no way of fixing it, not without the written records which have been partially destroyed thanks to security sweeps –" Skidding to a halt, he lifted the toddler and held him at eye level, giving him a gentle shake. "What am I supposed to _do_, John!"

John frowned and grabbed the detective's head in two small hands. "Fink!" The child ordered, and small fingers moved to cover the man's eyes. "Vishal mem'ry!"

Lestrade watched, unashamedly fascinated, as Sherlock froze completely, just like on those occasions where his brain moved quicker than his body could keep up, threatening to crash his mental hard drive with informational overload.

"Ohhhhh," the detective breathed a moment later. Snatching John's hands away, he gleefully whirled the little one around the room. "John, you are brilliant!"

John, clinging dizzily to Sherlock's shirt, looked up at him and beamed.


	29. Chapter 29

**Title**: A Messy Business - 29 of 30  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Sherlock, Lestrade, John, will include Mrs. Hudson, Mycroft, etc.  
><strong>Rating<strong>: G  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 221B each (the drabble format I invented for the ACD Holmes fandom years ago)  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: crack fic, fandom trope (see full prompt at link and below), basic episodic spoilers, basic ACD canon spoilers, speculation  
><strong>Summary<strong>: Drabble series fill for for the **sherlockbbc_fic** meme prompt _John is turned into a toddler/young child. He doesn't remember who he was, but he does know that he trusts and loves Sherlock. He likes Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade and, much to Sherlock's annoyance, he even likes Mycroft... _Title comes from **Prompt #1: Beginnings are always messy.**

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><p>"So…no reason to panic just yet, then?" Lestrade ventured after an awkward moment.<p>

"No," Sherlock agreed, tucking the stuffed cat into John's arms as the child yawned and snuggled against him. "This is an unexpected development, but as you so uncharacteristically observed, Lestrade, John has already aged gradually in only…eighteen hours, since his transformation. While the re-transformation was supposed to take place in twenty-four hours and now apparently may be delayed, the process will not take months or years."

Lestrade would have thought the man would be freaking out more, over the idea of his flatmate being in this state for a few weeks rather than hours, but to his shock Sherlock looked fairly gleeful about the entire thing.

Wait.

"You're _not _going to use this new opportunity as an experiment, Sherlock," he warned, trying his best to look threatening even though they both knew he couldn't stand against the Tide of Sherlockian Intimidation. "Just because –"

"Really, Lestrade." Something akin to bitterness tinged the detective's voice. "I expect such things from Anderson, but you? Do you really think I would traumatize a child just for the sake of my own curiosity?"

The DI squirmed slightly. "Well I'm just looking out for John, and you can't deny that it crossed your mind, now can you?"

Sherlock had the grace to blush.


	30. Chapter 30

**Title**: A Messy Business - 30 of 30  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Sherlock, Lestrade, John, will include Mrs. Hudson, Mycroft, etc.  
><strong>Rating<strong>: G  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 221B each (the drabble format I invented for the ACD Holmes fandom years ago)  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: crack fic, fandom trope (see full prompt at link and below), basic episodic spoilers, basic ACD canon spoilers, speculation  
><strong>Summary<strong>: Drabble series fill for for the **sherlockbbc_fic** meme prompt _John is turned into a toddler/young child. He doesn't remember who he was, but he does know that he trusts and loves Sherlock. He likes Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade and, much to Sherlock's annoyance, he even likes Mycroft... _Title comes from **Prompt #1: Beginnings are always messy.**

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><p>The draining effects of the re-transformation were obviously sapping John's energy. Lestrade watched as Sherlock carefully laid the child in his play-bed, covered him as he squirmed…he didn't want to know why Sherlock was hoarding shock blankets…and gently lifted one arm to tuck the stuffed cat under it. John rubbed his eyes with one small fist and curled up, soon fast asleep.<p>

Sherlock ran a hand gently through the tangled curls, absently added a baby comb to his mental To-Buy-in-Preparation-for-the-Next-Few-Weeks list, and stood. He turned to find himself stared at, and bristled.

"What?"

"Nothing, nothing at all," Lestrade grinned.

Sherlock looked at him suspiciously.

"Just a bit cute, that's all – now look, I can have you in for assaulting an officer!"

He fired the Union Jack pillow with deadly accuracy after Lestrade's retreating head. Laughter floated up the stairs as the detective inspector paused, no doubt to update Mrs. Hudson.

Sherlock looked down at the sleeping child, and rubbed his hands with glee.

John had rarely spoken of his childhood, but Sherlock had deduced that it had not been a happy one. That was a Horrible Thing, as Sherlock had had a lovely childhood, and John certainly deserved one. Now he had the opportunity to change that.

He would start, he decided, busily browsing **hamleys .com**, by getting John a Paddington Bear.

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><p>And because I knew I wasn't going to get anywhere close to filling the prompt, this will be continued in <em>Part Two: Never Too Late<em>.

_"It is never too late to have a happy childhood." ~Tom Robbins, 1936_


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